November 2014

In November we did another yard sale.  It was similarly effective to the first yard sale. We met some new neighbors.  Some people remembered us from the month before and had been looking forward to seeing us again.  We had about as many donations from our MC but a few less people were involved in the set up the day before and the hanging out the day of.

The yard sale in action. 

We did not see the people from the month before who were potential people for us to come alongside.  There were also fewer conversations in general so we weren’t getting to know people as well as we had done the month before.  

One of the highlights of the yard sale was that Greg and Eddie came to help us manage it and invited some of their friends to come get things.  We knew then how much of a part of the family they felt since they contributed what they could in time and relationship.

By this time, we had started to see who would stick.  Very few people from Common Ground actually were there.  One young man, Brandon, who had been with Common Ground for over a year was a regular.  He had all the markings of a person of peace: he would listen to us, he would follow us and he served us.  We decided that because of all that, we wanted to claim him a little more so we invited him into the huddle.

We also realized that we were asking Erin to be a major part of what we were doing without her having any authority.  She was definitely a leader alongside Christopher.  We knew that she would be a key player in Christopher’s MC when the time came so we decided to invite her into the huddle as well.  

Compared to the first couple of times we invited someone into a huddle, we were much better at it with Brandon and Erin.  We were able to better define what we inviting them into and the implications of what it would mean if they said yes.  Erin had a much closer relationship to the huddle just because Christopher was in it so she quickly said yes.  Brandon only had our explanation to go off of but it was enough for him so he also said yes.

We did not start all over again with the shapes even though we had some new people because we knew there would be a time when we would go back over the shapes we had done.  What we DID do was split our huddle to be male and female.  After a while we realized that is probably how we should always do huddles, at least a majority of the time if possible.  

Unfortunately, soon after inviting Brandon into the huddle, there was some conflict between him and another woman in the MC.  For his own protection, we told him he should step out of things for a little while and focus on trying to hear from God what his next step should be.  Jarred and the other men had a plan to keep up with him in a less structured way than huddle and reconvene in a month or so to check in and see where God was leading him.

         It was evident that as the season we were in as a group mirrored the natural season. We were being pruned and moving into a time of rest. At this point the pruning was natural and unintentional. As we would pray into it, it would become more intentional in the coming months. 

As always, we would love to hear about what you are doing with missional communities in your context. Please feel free to share in a comment below. Also, if you have questions about anything we are doing, feel free to ask and we will get back to you as quickly as possible! Thanks for following along. 

Love, 

The Irby's

Five Tips for Food

I remember when my Dad taught me how to cook. My mother passed away when I was young, so he also taught me how to iron clothes, do laundry, make a home look nice, as well as the typical masculine things like shaving, cutting grass, working on the car, and drinking beer. Since I was a young pre-teen when I started cooking, my Dad limited my use in the kitchen to simple cuisine so that I would not start a fire or starve because I do not prefer to eat blackened pizza.
Until I started dating Ana, I rarely ever made meals for anyone else besides myself. I was an only child, my elder family members preferred to cook, and my roommates and I when I was a young adult would just eat Taco Bell all the time. I had no idea that if I were to marry this girl that I would occasional cook for, that this would somehow become a regular part of our lives. We have quickly realized we would not only cook for each other in the future, but often invite others to do so, and this would be a foundational part of our lifestyle. In the short few years I have begun to make food for others, these are five practical tips I have learned. I believe these are especially good tips for people who want to see meals become something significant in their spiritual and relational journey and may be single, dating, or newly married, others who may have a heavy workload, and those folks who absolutely think they could never cook for 10-30 people on a regular basis.
I will not share any of my secret recipes or kitchen secrets. Those are going to pay the bills in the future. Here are five points that start with a 'p' that start to sum up the simple things we do to see breakthrough.
Planning
Ana and I usually on Thursday plan our meals out for the next week. We then are able to go grocery shopping within the next few days for the week, and we prep a lot of our meals on Saturday with other people! The freedom to know that we have lunch and dinner for busy weekdays planned out allows for us to rest easy when we need to, and get a jump on the day every day! We also keep enough food available in case someone is over and we get hungry while playing board games or something of the sort. We save ordering takeout and dining out for special occasions or spontaneous trips.
Practice
I do not expect everyone to be at the culinary expertise of an executive chef in a French restaurant, but I think that the more knowledgeable one is of a trade, the less stressful it becomes to do that task. There are plenty of resources from the internet to Youtube to help practice quick prep without going to culinary school. We prefer to cook most of our meals to save on money, and time becomes very short, so we have made sure to hone in our skill on a few meals that we can make repeatedly and easily. The most success we have seen in our family dinners and gatherings is because we can have a very impressive meal with little effort! We can then focus on investing in our guests and building relationships rather than standing over a stove for an hour trying to feed kids and adults.
Predictability
Ana and I try to have dinner on certain days at certain times. The people that we want to invest in, and also the people that want to spend time with us are able to begin to know when they can find us! They will start to make a mealtime a regular part of their schedule when they see you having it as a staple during the week. Some people may only come to our dinner once every two months, but they always know when we eat during a season and they are not afraid to connect with us, or bring other people with them!

Potlucks!
This is a great way to have all people in families participate in sharing their possessions with each other. We have taken a few spins on Potluck which we have found fun and successful. We have recently started experimenting with inviting others over and having them bring the side items for all the food we prep for the week. Everyone feels involved and like they are contributing, even if they only do minimal work in the actual prep of the food. We also do Potluck Pizza party when we provide Tortillas, Pizza Dough, and Sauce and everyone brings their favorite classic or crazy toppings. People are able to make their own mini pizzas and there is no debate as to what goes onto which pizza when you order out. We also want to have everyone who comes to a family dinner or missional community to feel that they can participate. When we have our friends and family who may be without a permanent home, they often want to make sure they can help out even though they may have a few dollars in their pocket. They have the monopoly on bringing chips to our dinner, and they love to be able to claim some ownership of a part of the meal on a regular basis.
Prayer
The people we share meals with have diverse spiritual backgrounds. Some have never prayed more than a handful of times, some have never prayed, and some pray in the "tongues of angels". We think that it's important to pray before every meal, thanking Jesus for his provision and continued mercy on us and our family. We're currently trying to make a song that is easy enough for children and guests to catch onto. Just as we want people to participate in our meals, games, and storytelling, we want to make it accessible for them to enter into a place where they can seek out Jesus through our family time. People start to see that Jesus is the center of our lives, and we are sharing the good news with them by just thanking Jesus for the food!
I would love to hear what family meals look like for others! Maybe we can share in a meal sometime in the near future. 

The Lost Son

In my last blog, I talked about how inviting people over to share a meal would change the world.  Today, I'm looking at the concept from a Biblical perspective.  Next time, I hope to give some practical tools for how I attempt to make a regular habit of sharing meals with others!

"But the father said to his servants, Bring forth quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: and bring the fatted calf, and kill it, and let us eat, and make merry: for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.”

Luke 15:22-24 ASV

I remember the first time I ever visited my last girlfriend's house.  (Don't worry, this girlfriend I speak of is now my wife, so hopefully she will be my last girlfriend!) She was returning home from college and there were three parties in four days at the home of her family.  Her sister was graduating from high school, a brother had a birthday, and another brother had graduated from middle school.  

Milestone markers in people's lives are often celebrated with large meal or feast!  I will never forget where I ate on my 21st birthday (yes, I remember all of it), or what we ate on my wedding day, or the first place I took my wife to eat on a date.  These great moments had ritzy, five star cuisine, some of my favorite fried chicken, and slices of pizza.  

Not just the happy moments call for a "special" meal to be made.  When people are sick, or have loved ones that are deceased, it is not uncommon for others to bring food to support someone in a harsh time.  The act of a "last meal" request for people on death row gives a hope of civility into the tension of morality that exists in that arena.

I will ask this question, "If you could have one meal, what would it be?" But, I will follow it up with this question, "Who would you want to share it with?"

The story of the lost son, is a picture into the heart of a loving Father.  Christians and non-Christians can relate to this story because it is a story of redemption, which always makes for the best movies.  One son goes off from his family, asking for his inheritance before his father is dead, and then he blows it all away, only to return home to his father who loving accepts him back. 

His father not only accepts him, but throws him a massive feast, with the best meat!   This calf would only be slain for special occasions, and this was a meal that they would not forget.  The economic implicationsThe dad showed how he was still a part of the family, and they ate, drank, and were merry!  Family parties are no small occasion, and this was probably the best party they had in a long time.

“Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called to him one of the servants, and inquired what these things might be. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. But he was angry, and would not go in: and his father came out, and entreated him. But he answered and said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, and I never transgressed a commandment of thine; and but when this thy son came, who hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou killedst for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that is mine is thine. But it was meet to make merry and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.”

Luke 15:25-32 ASV

This moment was a defining moment for the household from that point on.  I want to believe that in that story, the dad continued to celebrate how much he loved his sons.  He made sure that his son had on good robes, some bling, and a full belly.  He wanted to show both his sons, that in spite of the bad things (or good things in the case of the older brother) they had done before, nothing could stop this party from happening at this moment.  

This party signified that they were family.  A son had been lost, and since he had been found, the kickoff was a meal.

Imagine losing something or someone you care about.  How happy you would be to be reunited with that person?  This story was a picture that Jesus shared to show how he felt about people who were lost that he loved.  This expectation was something that his father had done, so it was basically the family norm to love like this.  That was what the father of the two sons was showing.  You are family, and I am happy that you are family, so now our family will celebrate by absolutely having a big feast.  

When we are inviting people to share dinner with them, it is also inviting them to be a part of our family.  When my wife and I do dinner, it's family dinner, and we love to hear others call it that.  That way, people understand that we are not only sharing our resources and love with each other, but we are also inviting them to be a part of our family, and they can invite others into the family too.  It is not about what we have done, or what we are doing, but it is because we are family, and we eat to celebrate that.

If we are a part of a larger, spiritual family, and we want others to be a part of our family, what steps are we taking to invite others into that family?  The best way I believe is to invite them to dinner.  That seems to be the standard for the spiritual family I am a part of.  It sounds like a picture of heaven would be when we get there, let's eat, the best hamburger you could dream of (so good, it does not even need cheese or sauces). 

Sharing some of heaven on earth with others sounds like it involves a good meal.  How much of sharing my faith with others is actually connected to having a nice, meaningful, family meal with them?

If I am inviting them into my family, our family, then that probably should be a first step. 

-Jarred 

Cena

One of the places on my bucket list of places to see is Rome. The Italian city is sprawling with culture, and it would be amazing to partake in some of the ancient sites as well as visiting the Vatican City to see the hub of what has been the largest religious body for centuries. 

Italy is renowned for its cuisine. One could easily make a case for it being the most liked food in America besides the most eaten food in the U.S....tacos. 

In Ancient Rome, the midday meal was called Cena, and it was what the daily schedule orbited around. It eventually transformed into a later evening meal. Some would say around 5-6pm would be when the workday would end and people would begin to prepare to eat Cena. What fascinates me about Cena is that it was the main venue for social interaction. Business partners, family, guests, and others would usually have a place at the table, and if it was a really specially occasion, there would be some sort of entertainment for the wealthy people. Dinner and some tunes would be right in the dining room.

Some wealthy people today still have a staff on hand at their house to prepare meals and they have roaring dinner parties, so we still have some of that culture here thousands of years later. What I do believe we have lost though is the concrete nature of how this meal was a part of normal, everyday life for the Roman. 

I want to believe people still share meals in their homes, but as a young married person with no children, these mealtimes are easily lost for me, so I sense they are lost for people like myself. I believe that there is a special bond formed by eating with others in a home. A restaurant has amazing functionality for convenience and diversity of options, but unless you have the private room, the intimate connection of a small-medium sized group of people is not preserved. 

I could talk for 10,000 words on this subject, so to simplify the concept for people who may have not experienced this concept...I say, "Do as the Romans Do!"

Invite a few friends or family over for dinner! If you can't cook, order food, or ask everyone to bring something. If someone offers you to come over for dinner, do it! Things that are not scheduled are the first to go, so before buying that ticket to go see Black Mass or making a hair appointment, check the calendar and ask, "Is there a way I can have a meal with someone I care about this week?" I believe that any opportunity to share a meal with others is actually changing the world in a small way. We have 365 opportunities a year to share a meal with others, so a few successful attempts can really start to put a dent in a few of the problems around us! 

This is a political platform that I think a few people could get behind. Family meals to end poverty, inequality, and probably climate change. 

#cena2016

-Jarred

Meals: A Place Where Everyone Can Connect

Ana and I try to make it a priority to do two things every day.  Share at least one meal together, and talk about our day.  We have found these moments to be foundational for our relationship and if these things do not happen, disaster will ensue shortly thereafter!   We enjoy sharing meals with people and inviting others to have dinner with us.  We also try to get our parents and pastors and people who care about us to take us out as much as possible for food, since they usually enjoy treating us to a meal, and free food that I did not prepare always taste better.

I would imagine that if I were to take Ana out on a first date, with all the knowledge I have now of things she likes, it would definitely be to a restaurant!  She loves food, and is usually not a harsh critic of new things, as long as they are free of bones and things of the sort.  That's a usual first date for a lot of people, and whenever I people watch, I always try to look out for the folks that are meeting each other for the first time.  The situation of a Tinder or Match meetup is always amusing to me, but I do have empathy for people who do this on a regular basis.  Dating in the 2015 is strange and mysterious.   

We recently saw Pretty Woman with about 8,000 other people watching at the beautiful Red Rocks.  The thousands of us laughed when wealthy, powerful business owners met to discuss the takeover of a company and the not-so-professional Vivian is brought along to attempt to blend into a new world of fine dining.  The clash of the two cultures based on status speaks to how by simply observing how someone eats dinner, it shows what some of their values are.

I have often looked at how healthy a family was, based on how they ate together.  I am not convinced this is the best gauge of family functionality, however, it is often reflective of some important things.  I do believe it shows how much a family or a social group wants to build into each other.   Everyone essentially has to eat at some point, but sitting down for a meal on a regular basis does take a sacrifice.  Besides the simple reason of not enough time, a meal can be pushed to the side for activities, work, recreation, ministry, the list goes on.   Most people would say that they value meal time, but I doubt it is the first thing to be scheduled on a daily calendar.  I know that it is not the first thing I schedule on my calendar.

As I grow older, I watch things in my life become less tangible and more "blended" into the changing landscape of our culture.  Pocket organizers, address books, watches, books, are almost of little value if they are not able be combined with something else into a sleek device.  The way I explore is different, as I scope out destinations and new places before I embark on a journey.  New things are more like a scavenger hunt than they are a surprise, as I have a list of "must-see/must-do" places to visit.  Since drones cannot drop off food to me while I'm watching Netflix just yet, I believe the sacredness of meals are something that have survived the changing times.  I believe that everyone appreciates a good meal and a nice beverage, regardless of how often you do it!  And of course, there is no better way to show hospitality, than to feed an empty belly!

The next few blog posts will focus on different aspects of how Ana and I do our meals, talking about meal prep, sitting down with people you love, prioritizing meal planning into a busy schedule, as well as tips we have found over the years!  Before the next posts, maybe we can begin to think about our favorite meals that we partake in, our favorite places to eat, or any tips that one may have.  Feel free to comment!  I would love to hear from our readers how they do food!

-Jarred

October 2014

October was our first “out” event.  We had spent the month before collecting items for our yard sale and we had a good variety of things.  We had a couple people come help us organize the things the day before and a couple more people show up to help us manage the yard sale itself.

On the day of the yard sale, we met around 30 neighbors.  Our huddle was specifically looking for people of peace that might be people we could do family with.  There were several potential people that we kept a mental note of to look for the next time around.  

Another nice surprise was that one family came through looking for a youth’s suit for a funeral he was going to.  We hadn’t had many men’s clothes donated and definitely nothing as nice as a suit in a boy’s size.  He looked through the clothes and found a suit that fit him perfectly.  He was happy and we were thrilled beyond belief.

Our family dinners continued.  Each dinner we would go out and try and find people that were out to invite them to dinner before we started.  One time, a small group met up with Fast Eddie and Greg.  They came and immediately felt welcomed and part of the family, so they kept coming back.  They quickly felt a part of the group and would invite friends to all the gatherings.

We had many visitors come through our family dinners from the various churches we attended or friends we knew.  People wanted to check out what we were doing and “okay” it.  By the end of the month, we had had almost 100 people come through for dinners and had a regular group of about 20.  Of those, three were people that had come from the neighborhood and about 10 were people from our churches who had not come to Common Ground.

One thing Jarred and I started was dinners at our house once a week.  This was slightly different from our large group gathering because it was not in our Holly Hills neighborhood and there was really no mission.  The reason we started to do it was two-fold.  First and foremost, we looked into the future and thought of what we would want our family to look like when we had children of various ages.  It will be important for us to let our kids feel like they have authority to invite their peers into our lives as well and one way we could foresee that happening was to have a regular time to invite people over for dinner.  We thought if it’s going to be important in the future to have such a rhythm, why not start now?

The second reason we wanted to do dinners once a week was to open our lives up specifically to Christopher and his girlfriend Erin.  Erin was not in our huddle and Christopher up until this point had had the least access to our lives because he had not been in our section of Common Ground.  Christopher also seemed to have the most potential to start the next missional community because he had many friends in the core group of the current MC and a burning mission for orphaned children.  We wanted to make sure that if he was on the fast track to do MCs, he had a lot of access to our information as well as our lifestyle.

As always, we would love to hear about what you are doing with missional communities in your context. Please feel free to share in a comment below. Also, if you have questions about anything we are doing, feel free to ask and we will get back to you as quickly as possible! Thanks for following along. 

Love, 

The Irby's

September 2014

     The six of us in our huddle were excited and nervous about our first missional community night.  We were not sure who would show up or how they would take to the idea but we were excited about what God was doing in our own lives and we were ready to share.

Katy and Jon's made-for-Oikos-backyard.  

     Almost everyone from Common Ground showed up.  We even had some new faces.  On that first night we laid down the ground rules.  We told everyone this is family so we have to contribute and that meant to the food as well as the cleanup.  We said house closes at 9.  We said have fun.  And that is what they did.

We had let them know about our yard sale.  We had decided to wait until October to do the first one because we wanted to give time for the group to gather things to put out.  Things started coming in rapidly.  Katy and Jon had a full garage before our first yard sale.

The general consensus from the group seemed to be that they liked the idea of what we were doing.  Consistency was a little lower than it had been with Common Ground by the end but most of the core group showed up to everything.

The other big thing that happened in September was the 3dm global pilgrimage in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  Jarred and I were the only two who could make it out of either of our huddles.  The pilgrimage was pretty for much anyone who had heard of 3dm from someone who had heard the name through a church leader mentioning it to people who had paid thousands of dollars over a couple of years for a learning community where they learned the material and plugged into the movement relationally.

While we were there, Jarred and I started to realize that most of the conversations were about leading a church into being more missional.  Although we got a lot out of that angle, we also noticed that that was not entirely our goal.  We sat down with Eric (whom I had met at the workshop at the beginning of the year) and his wife to mention that we were feeling like we might be out of place.  We asked what 3dm had that might be a step beyond transitioning a church.  They told us that what we might be looking for was The Order of Mission.  Eric told us to get in touch with David because he and his wife led exploratory huddles to learn more about TOM.

We got in touch with David and signed up for the exploratory huddle.  We also got in touch with a man who planted a church using missional communities in Compton, CA.  Jarred got his contact information because he was starting a coaching huddle for church planters in urban areas that wanted to use missional communities.

After the conference, we were leaving with a more clear vision of what we wanted to do with missional communities, namely plant a church.  We had also done more networking than we had anticipated and that was where the seed was planted to come into relationship with as many people in the network as possible.  

As always, we would love to hear about what you are doing with missional communities in your context. Please feel free to share in a comment below. Also, if you have questions about anything we are doing, feel free to ask and we will get back to you as quickly as possible! Thanks for following along. 

Love, 

The Irby's

August 2014

August was a time when rhythms started to click.  Robert’s huddle had been going on long enough for us to have a grasp on what we were trying to do.  We had restarted the shapes again and now had a groove for how to teach the most in depth concepts.  

Typically we would learn a new shape by Robert teaching about it in depth for about 20 minutes.  Then we would go around and share our Kairos about that shape.  Since we were down to 10 or even 9 most nights, we would have time for 2 or 3 people to share what their plan would be for the week to implement what they had learned.

The following huddle Robert would review the shape for about five minutes.  Then we would go around and update each other on our plans or talk about a new Kairos that we had from the homework.  We had a little more time this night to flesh out a couple more Kairoses or pray for one another.

On the third huddle of a shape, Robert would pick someone to teach the shape.  The goal was to practice teaching the shape in a safe place because ultimately, we wanted everyone to be capable of leading their own huddle when we multiplied.

Robert didn't make up that structure. Imitating before innovating. 

Since the huddle was no longer trying to do a missional community, we met every week.  We started rotating to each house to have dinner before huddle to make up for the loss of doing life together without a missional community component.

After most huddles, we would stay after with Robert and Kim and Kyle and Robyn to do some coaching on our huddles.  Robyn and Kyle had just started their huddle.  They had a group of nine that said they would come and be in the huddle.  Their struggle was getting time for that group of people together for a huddle because of their busy schedules.  Our struggle was preparing to do missional community with a group of people who had not quite signed up for it but were ready to follow us into whatever we asked of them.

In our own huddle, we had discussed what we wanted our monthly rhythm to look like.  We were meeting once a week for huddle.  We decided at the beginning, we would do a large group meeting every other week.  We were planning on doing a dinner and we wanted it to be lightweight so we figured it would be easier to plan a meal every other week instead of every single week.  We would start doing the yard sale once a month which would be our big “out”.  

The other thing we knew we needed was to have lots of unstructured hang out time to detox from the over-structure that had been Common Ground.  The only thing we wanted to be hard and fast on was the end time.  We knew our tendency for hanging out could lend to us spending all night together and we realized that was not quite the point.  

With our plans and coaching in place, we prepared for the launch of our missional community.  We sent out the invitations and we were off.

As always, we would love to hear about what you are doing with missional communities in your context. Please feel free to share in a comment below. Also, if you have questions about anything we are doing, feel free to ask and we will get back to you as quickly as possible! Thanks for following along. 

Love, 

The Irby's